Once I found out that you could get a medical marijuana card in Missouri, I was one of the early adopters. That’s never how I am. But I jumped on the opportunity and haven’t been quiet about it since. I don’t necessarily smoke in front of my parents because that still feels weird to me. But there is no hiding the fact that I use.

It’s been nearly 2 years since that time and I have finally found what works FOR ME. Everyone is different so take my experience as a story, not a road map for you. However, several people have showed interest in hearing more of my journey here so here we are.

My experience with cannabis started twenty plus years ago, I usually partook with friends as a teenager and in college. The goal always to get as messed up as you could. You know... young and partying. But after college, as I entered the workforce, I left those days behind me so I could get a job. But for frame of reference, due to the illegal nature of it you never really knew what you were smoking (unless that information gets passed along like the “telephone-game”): indica, sativa, hybrid, or even what strain you were ingesting (more famous names: Granddaddy Purp, Pineapple Express, Maui Wowie).

I liken it to drinking wine. Are you drinking a red or white? And within the realm of red wines, are you drinking a merlot, cabernet sauvignon, pinot noir, chianti, shiraz, or malbec? That’s a lot of difference and personal choice.

So I got my medical card and tried to be somewhat scientific to work my way to a solution to remove the pharmaceuticals as mental/emotional regulation from my body. So come spring 2021, I went to the dispensary and told them my predicament: I know what weed is, I know how to smoke it, I know what hardware I need, I know what to expect. But I have NO IDEA what I was smoking back then and what would be best for me now. So I got some flower of Indica and Sativa. I smoked one species for a month. I tried it during the day. I tried it in the evening. I tried it on the weekends. Got real acclimated to it.

Then I switched and tried the other species for about two weeks. Then went back to the original a few times and I identified that I personally prefer Indica. For your information, a quick google search comparing the types says the following: “Indica strains tend to be more relaxing and sedating, while sativa strains tend to be more energizing and uplifting.” Some say that Indica can put you “in-da-couch,” but I didn’t find that for myself. “Energizing and uplifting” FOR ME is increased anxiety and unease.

So okay, I like “red wine” more. But I don’t necessarily enjoy all “the work.” The work? Grinding it, storing it away from the kids, flame heat, ashes, cleaning your piece, the actual smoke, and residual smoke hanging around. So I decided to take the next step and went to vape pens. I had a lot of success with that. Learning experience for sure.

At this point, I want to reiterate that I wasn’t interested in getting “blasted to the moon.” I wanted to be functional and less stressed out during the pandemic. I wanted the ability to focus and work on building my company. Not be stoned all the time. I wanted to be more chilled out and less irritated by children and life. I just needed help.

I learned that there is a possibility of getting very high on vaping and I learned how to effectively manage that. For me, that looks like small and shallow pulls on the vape. Not massive pulls and holding it in as long as you possibly can like in those party days. And I started to see some positive effects. Focus and less irritability. Okay, so guess I like "dry red wines.”

But I’m still using my lungs and I’d love to see if I can try through my stomach. Enter edibles. What I know now is that standard edibles come in 10 mg. And they can take 90 minutes to hit your system. And they hit differently than smoking/vaping. It lasts longer too. Unless you were born and stayed living in that barn, you must have heard at least horror and/or hilarious stories of people just getting too high on gummies. So, got some gummies but in small doses. Tried indica, sativa, and hybrid. Because again, I’m not trying to get blasted high. I did have accidental scenarios, though. It is an experimental learning process after all. But all I had to do was take the afternoon off from work. Finished up the work in the evening when I was feeling better. I am a professional after all.

Take a gummy and cut it in half. Cut it in half again and you have 2.5 mg. And I started liking that. I tell people that “I’m high without feeling high.” Effects without the “too high” feeling. I have focus and I’m far less irritable. And all I did was eat a tiny piece of gelatin. I did that for a long time. And I listened to my body and if taking a quarter gummy seemed like a good idea, I did it. If it didn’t, I didn’t.

One cool thing about dispensaries is that they have their entire stock and inventory online. And each dispensary is different with the products they offer. And you can then research and read and learn on your own time. This is when I found out about the Ostara Star Tabs (scroll down on that page). They’re pre-portioned 2 MG chewable tablets that taste pretty good. FIFTY of these guys for $20. Farms in Missouri, too. I now have less “work” to do since I don’t have to cut anything. It’s more or less a nearly “impossible to open” bottle of Tic Tacs (yay for child-proofing!). My favorite flavors are Orange and Strawberry. I have tried the Lemon Lime, Watermelon, and Black Cherry. I don’t have access to the other flavors but if you know about orange Tic Tacs, then you know you can just stop right there… because yum!

I’ve been using these for probably six months now, I suspect? I use my vape pen when I need an immediate reaction. For instance, we went to a kids birthday party at one of those highly overstimulating places - sounds, lights, neon colors, screaming, kids running everywhere, loud. One vape pull in the parking lot on the way in made the entire situation manageable and I was easily able to go with the flow. I use it as if I was going to “top off” my wine glass.

Two side notes: 1) The weekend evenings I smoke my vape more; just like one would do indulging with alcohol. I also found that I like to write. So yeah, I write now (hence the creation of this blog). Journaling is good for you in general and I find it to be incredibly therapeutic for me. 2) I have completely removed Wellbutrin from my body and I have cut my Zoloft dosage in half. Things became a little dicey there, so I didn’t push it past that. However, with the journaling and self-therapy I’m able to do from the journaling, coupled with a general sense of not being so bothered by things in the moment, I may try to taper off Zoloft again more. But maybe in a year. For now I’m proud with how much I’ve accomplished so far with my own “self-medicating on a mission”.

I’ve been open about what I am using and was able to get through the holiday stress a lot easier. I have given gifts here and there to the older/ resistant but curious crowd and they’re seeing the benefits of better sleep and less body aches. Again, you can partake without getting blasted high. You don’t have to smoke it. Shit, you can drink soda now. I saw a friend recently had a root beer float with his cannabis-infused soda. Skies the limit!

Some people are afraid to go into a dispensary because they feel like they don’t know anything and may be judged. But boy oh boy, they couldn’t be more wrong. Every single person at the dispensary is friendly, incredibly knowledgeable, with a genuine (and not necessarily only professional) desire to help you have an enjoyable and successful experience. So don’t be afraid to go in and say “I don’t know what I don’t know but what I do know is that I need [more sleep].” They will help you figure it all out.

To finish with the wine metaphor: I have finally figured out that what I like is Malbec and Shiraz. And that’s not going to be everyone’s favorite, but it’s mine. And it works for me. So if you find yourself somewhat curious, go into your local dispensary. I believe in the next few weeks you don’t even need a medical card anymore. It’ll be just like walking into your local liquor store.

Comment below if you have any questions (or message me if you’d like to stay private). Good luck!

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Additional thoughts I wanted to add before post: Please remember that there is a difference between THC and CBD. They produce different effects. CBD is legal, THC is what became legal in Missouri recently. THC gets you high, CBD is what you may align with “cancer patients using to regain their appetite during chemo”.

Lastly, as marijuana becomes more and more legal and less and less taboo - more experiments will happen and a wider knowledge will be readily available. The idea of terpenes has been way over my head until recently. They’re starting to believe that it’s not necessarily about the potency, strain, and the combination therein that affects you in different ways but which terpene is available in each plant and that’s the result you’ll have. The dispensary I go to for my Star Tabs has this on their wall. Google Image search here is your friend. But this graphic is helpful. I’m still learning more about this facet of cannabis but it’s fascinating and I plan to read up more on it.