Here is an article I wrote for In Purpose Educational Services for the new year.

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It’s a new year! Time for that new you!

You know the one. The you that is thinner, less saggy… prettier. All of this new year messaging is geared towards your physical health. Get a gym membership, new workout clothes, drink water, apps for recipes and achieving that caloric deficit. But what if we focused on the other parts of our lives that have a deficit and focus on pouring into those portions of ourselves?

If you haven’t noticed, there has been an uptick of mindfulness apps and resources but if I really wanted to get into it, I could write about why that makes my eyes roll. But here’s the short version: mindfulness is good. But the onslaught of mindfulness apps, activities, resources have now been commercialized as well. People don’t only need to be in tune with themselves… what we need is SUPPORT. From society. Not inward. Outward. Social support services like universal healthcare, proper parental leave, universal basic income, a promise that retirement benefits will be there, increase in access to mental health care, access to all of this without the need for money to do so. It’s not only about my internal mindfulness when I’m struggling. We’re struggling because the system isn’t helping us collectively.

For 2023 my focus will be increasing my mental and emotional health. Not on my body and how it looks to other people. It’s kind of gross how my looks have value but my body, mind, soul do not. And the goal posts of what is expected of my body to look like is always changing. The goal posts keep moving; what I can or can’t wear depending on my ever-changing age, what color my hair is, how I part my hair, whatever cut of pants are in style this fast fashion season or not. But don’t be too cute. Don’t be too sexy. You’re a mom. Be modest. But not like that. Still be cute. Cover up. But don’t be frumpy. I GIVE UP.

I’ve been set up to fail. We’re set up to fail. The game is rigged.

And, therefore, I’ve decided to quit the game. If the goal posts of true inconsequence keep moving, then so be it. I’m going to be on the track that surrounds the football field instead. Sometimes I run, sometimes I walk. Sometimes I challenge myself to achieve something and other times I’m just working on catching my breath and slowly down my heart rate. Sometimes I am walking and chatting with friends. Whatever feels right TO ME at any given time. As my dad always told me, “Life is not a race (against others), it’s a marathon (with yourself).” Focus on what you are asking from yourself. Mindfulness apps may help you with that, but you already have that gut intuition. It’s magical. All you need is you. And you don’t need to spend money to listen to yourself. Quit the game.

I am not going to concern myself with what the white patriarchal society had me thinking till I was in my late 20s. Approaching 40 has me knowing this: tomorrow is not promised to us. So, I’m going to start choosing joy and contentment TODAY. That isn’t mindfulness. That’s doing my OWN THING. Choosing my OWN authenticity. LISTENING to myself. Identifying positives and weaving more of those in. And identifying the negatives and creating boundaries to limit those. Last year I started eating off our wedding china during our daily lives. Wearing what I’m comfortable in. Singing along to the cheesy pop song. And putting on the dang bathing suit to swim with my kids.

ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT. Because society isn’t going to help us. Only we will help each other. Find your community. I have found mine. One of these days I’ll tell the story about how I was significantly struggling with new motherhood, and I asked for help and listened to myself and eventually found my way to Heather and IPES and all of you dear friends reading this.

So my 2023 challenge to you is to ‘practice mindfulness’ and identify 100 things that bring you joy and work to actively remove the things that harm you. Find people that will help you do both of those things by your side and will hold your hand and support you when you need a little extra help. That’s how we move the goalposts back into position for us to hold a fair (well at least less unfair) game.

We quit. We strike. We unionize. We spend our time, attention, and money on the people, issues, ideas that matter. Not what they tell us we should care about. Tomorrow is not promised. What legacy do you want to leave behind? Because I guarantee no one is going to talk about what size or cut pants you wore or the location of your hair part. They’ll speak about your heart.  

Lastly, please talk nicely to yourself. If you need help with this, google self-affirmations. You wouldn’t talk poorly about your friend so don’t talk poorly about yourself. You are your first friend. You are who you’re with 100% of the time and why not have fun doing the things you like to do and bring you joy? And yes, a good friend would also be real with you when you are in need of some tough love. If there is something you need to work on then please work on it.  But YOU know what that is. Not whatever capitalistic messaging is telling you instead. Even if they both are “eat better, get active, get healthy.”

You do it for YOU not for THEM. That’s mindfulness.

I wish you and yours a happy and healthy 2023. No matter what that may look like for you. Life is a marathon. Try to find and give yourself whatever you need to be able to keep yourself going.